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July 3, 2026
Last updated: July 2026
Separation anxiety, crying and clinging when a parent leaves, is one of the most common worries Castle Hill families raise when their child starts preschool. It is a normal, healthy part of development, not a sign that something is wrong or that your child is not ready.
Raising Children Network describes separation anxiety as typically starting around 6 to 7 months of age, peaking between 14 and 18 months, and gradually easing through early childhood. By preschool age most children feel it far less intensely, though a new place with new routines can bring some of those feelings back for a while. This guide is part of our broader look at preparing your child for the start of school, focused on the settling-in side of that transition.
The most effective response is not to avoid separation but to prepare for it: visit beforehand, build a short and predictable goodbye routine, stay calm when you leave, and give it time. Most children settle within the first few weeks.
Separation anxiety is a child's fear or distress at being apart from the parents or carers they are attached to. It is a normal part of development, not a behavioural problem, and it tends to reduce as a child's familiarity with a place grows.
By preschool age (3 to 5 years), separation anxiety is usually milder and shorter-lived than it was as a toddler. Starting preschool can still bring some of it back, since it combines a new environment, new adults, new routines and new expectations, on top of being apart from family. Be You, the national early-years and schools mental health initiative run by Beyond Blue with Early Childhood Australia, notes that most children learn to feel safe in a new setting over time, so this is usually about unfamiliarity rather than the preschool itself.
Common signs include crying or clinging at drop-off, wanting a favourite toy or comfort item, shyness, reluctance to join group activities, and sometimes tummy aches or trouble sleeping the night before. These are typical, common behaviours, not causes for alarm on their own.
The weeks before a child starts preschool are the best time to build familiarity, since children cope better with separation when left somewhere safe and familiar, with people they trust. Raising Children Network's practical tips include:
A short, consistent goodbye routine, telling your child you are leaving and when you'll be back, then saying goodbye once and going, is the single most effective drop-off strategy the evidence points to. Raising Children Network's guidance includes:
Many children who are upset at drop-off settle within minutes once their parent has gone. Checking in with your child's educator at pick-up, rather than only judging by the goodbye, gives a truer picture of the day.
The stepladder approach is a gradual, step-by-step method for helping a child face something that makes them anxious, starting with the easiest version of the situation and building up to the hardest, with praise at each step.
Raising Children Network recommends this approach for anxiety more broadly, and it adapts well to preschool separation. A family might start with a short stay together at preschool, then a goodbye followed by a quick return, then a full session, building the length of separation gradually. For children aged 3 to 6, a simple phrase they can say to themselves, such as “Mummy will come back,” is a useful coping tool alongside the steps.
Separation anxiety becomes a concern, rather than a normal part of settling in, when it is more intense than other children's, lasts more than about four weeks without easing, and consistently stops your child joining in at preschool.
Raising Children Network notes that around 4% of preschool and school-age children develop separation anxiety disorder, where the anxiety is more severe than other children the same age, goes on for at least four weeks, and interferes with daily life. Signs to watch for include ongoing refusal to attend, physical complaints tied specifically to separation, and worry beyond typical settling-in nerves. If you are concerned, start with your child's educator, then your GP or child and family health nurse if the worry continues.
Yes, in the early weeks. Many children settle within minutes of their parent leaving. Ask your child's educator how they actually go once you've left.
No. It can leave a child confused or more anxious next time, making future separations harder. A brief, consistent goodbye is better than none at all.
It varies, but most children settle within the first few weeks. If anxiety is still intense after about four weeks, talk to your child's educator or GP.
Many preschools allow a comfort item in the early days, phased out gradually as your child settles. Check your preschool's policy first.
Consider it if the anxiety is more intense than other children the same age, has continued for at least four weeks, and consistently stops your child joining in or attending. Start with your child's educator, then your GP or child and family health nurse.
Separation anxiety is something every preschool family in Castle Hill and the Hills District navigates, and it shapes how we settle new children at Kings Road Long Day Preschool. As a smaller centre, educators get to know each child and family individually, and our Wallaby Class (3 to 4 years) and Kangaroo Class (4 to 5 years) educators build relationships gradually.
Our Learning for Life approach and the Three Rs, Respect, Responsibility and Resilience, guide how we support children through this transition: warm, predictable routines, close communication at drop-off and pick-up, and patience while a child finds their feet. We welcome comfort items from home in the early weeks, and our educators are always glad to talk through a settling-in plan before your child's first day. Kings Road Long Day Preschool has supported Castle Hill families through this transition since 1989.
If you're weighing up preschools for your child, or have questions about how we help children settle in, we'd love to show you around. Book a tour of Kings Road Long Day Preschool, or get in touch if you'd like to talk through your child's individual needs before enrolling.
